October Birchbox

This month’s haul is purportedly inspired by suggestions from goop, “a lifestyle company curated by Gwyneth Paltrow.” No, that’s a quote, as is “Gwyneth began curating the best of lifestyle.” These goop-y locutions aside, the goods are basically the same as usual, with a few points of note:

The intro to Chantecaille Faux Cils Mascara says “Meet your new wand love.” Hmm, mascara doesn’t usually come to mind when I hear that. So, the Chantecaille mascara:
Very swanky packaging, and the name Chantecaille – “song of the quail” – is lovely: not descriptive, not pretentious, although perhaps a bit of a challenge for non-Francophones to pronounce. Faux Cils – well, that just means “fake lashes.” I don’t think “faux” is a term you really want to use with any product, but I never turn down a good mascara.
Next, DDF Wrinkle Resist Plus Pore Minimizer:
I have trouble believing that this one can do everything it says it does: “for instantaneous pore appearance reduction while it exfoliates and hydrates to continually diminish the appearance of wrinkles.” But I’ll give it a whirl, since hey, I am in that demographic.
Next, Embryolisse:
Not real excited about a name that translates to “smooth embryo.” Indeed, I feel the same way about this name that I did about Cold Plasma: yuck. This cream is targeted to “rides installees,” or “established wrinkles.” Somehow I don’t buy that there’s a big difference. Also, this one contains not just vitamins A and E, but vitamin F as well. According to Wisegeek.com, vitamin F is omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids. Maybe the Embryolisse folks follow my marketing diktat about the word “fat”?
Orofluido is the third foreign-language compound-word brand this month – meaning liquid gold:
Not exactly sure what I’m supposed to do with this hair treatment oil. Their website promises a “journey to the orignins [sic] of the beauty of hair,” and a model destined for the Ps Disasters website. The rest of the site’s copy is no more lucid. I think this is meant to be a hot oil treatment of sorts, but there’s no “lather, rinse, repeat”-style instructions, so I may just toss this one out.
Finally, a “Lifestyle Extra” – a Luna bar, a “goop fave.” Well, that will get eaten.
Off to go curate my own damn lifestyle!

Hawaiian dreams

My brother-in-law just returned from a vacation in Hawaii with his girlfriend, and sent us a bag of 100% Kona coffee that we will surely enjoy. Reading the coffee company’s brochure, I was struck by this item:

Sure, they can say that “chameleon” comes from the chameleons living in their orange trees, but I think otherwise, because, well, just say it: Kona Chameleon. And now you’re singing it!