Tire maintenance blogging

Twice a year, off I go to Discount Tire – snow tires on, snow tires off. Yesterday was on, and because there was a problem with the TPMS system (wait, don’t fall asleep yet!), I spent the better part of two hours there.

I’m not knocking their service – they do a great job, and once you’re just exchanging your snows and regular tires, they charge the ultimate price: Nothing. However, the magazine selection leaves a lot to be desired. No news magazines to speak of, and the choice is starkly delineated along 60s gender stereotypes: You men get your Field & Stream, and we of the daintier sex get our Better Homes & Gardens. And there’s only so far I’ll go to bust the stereotypes, so BH&G it was.

So first this ad caught my eye:

Is it Face Everyone for Every Day? Everyone Face for Every Day? Face For Every Day Everyone? Feveryone Face for Every Day? I couldn’t even find the photo once I’d named it because the name confused me so much.

Then there’s this one, thanks to Big Pharma:

Zell-janz? Ex-el-janz? Or is the last syllable pronounced German-style, “yahntz”? It makes “tofacitinib” seem like child’s play.

Anyway, bring on the snow, because I’m ready!

Why bother?

That is, why bother even slapping the “tm” on it?

FloorLiner … why, because it lines the floor? And another hint, if you’re using it in text as the object of the verb “provides,” your use of “absolute interior protection” is also descriptive and thus not appropriately asserted as a trademark.

This has been another public service message from Your Trademark Curmudgeon.


Birchblah …

Sometimes I think I have the attention span of one of my teenagers. I’m just not as excited as I used to be about the arrival of the Birchbox. I got bored with the Ladybrain tippling too; maybe I need a new source of trademark amusement.

Still, maybe there’s a reason I’m bored. Could it be …

And Dr. Jart+ is back:

I only include this repeater because of the marginal excitement I’m experiencing trying to figure out just what “Water Fuse” might mean for my skin.

Then, a totally random name that I applaud only for its lack of descriptive character:

I’m going to assume that it’s an ivory lace colored highlighter and not a highlighter for ivory lace.

And now, the winner in the clutter/overclaiming class:

Bare Love. Not all that interesting. But that’s not all: There’s Oliolove, and Luxury Body Fuel – all of these are claimed as trademarks. Not all that interesting, but as always, when it’s about cures for dry skin, I’m a bit more indulgent.

Still … I may have to go back to drinking with my ladybrain for more trademark amusement!

Mistake – slang, vulgar synonym for same …

Vowel shifts, regional pronunciation differences, slang … all of these should have been considered before this name crossed the Atlantic from Sweden:

In case you can’t see the URL, it’s “mybonahome.com.” “BonaFide Fanatics” is clever, I’ll grant them that. But BONA? With headings like “Use My Bona Product” and “Bang Up Bona Savings”? IS IT JUST ME? AM I STILL TWELVE?